Top 10 Rituals to Keep You Single

stay-single

I’m fucking tired of top ten lists, aren’t you? There won’t be ten anything here. I’m using that headline because titles using “top” tend to get more clicks, and I’m a click whore. So, I was reading about all these cute little couple rituals to help them stay together—leaving a morning love note on the […]

The Fame-Addicted Generation

fameaddiction

If I ask college kids what their ideal occupation is, I’d bet most would drool over a career of cashing in on fame, without doing much work. They’ve been conditioned by reality TV, which features people with good looks and no talent, other than being famous for being famous. This is not good. Maybe it’s […]

Guys, This is Not OK

notok

Although I realize we men are in large part oblivious dimwits, it boggles my mind when I hear stories about men saying totally inappropriate things. Do boners steal all self-control? Just because it’s something you’d love to hear from an attractive woman, doesn’t mean it’s OK for you to say it to her. A lady […]

The Problem with Fidelity

ashley-madison-hacked

People are tweet-a-licious over the latest Ashley Madison website drama. Seems someone hacked the site and exposed information of people registered there. They exposed a hypocritical douche (Josh Duggar) for his extra-marital exploits after championing family values. See, I don’t care if the guy cheats on his wife. That’s between them. What bugs me is […]

The Scoop on Lady V

ladyv

Not since the discovery of Spanish Fly has there been such a buzz. This new pink pill is going to hasten the next sexual revolution. I’ve been working closely (not really) with the developers of the wonder-woman drug (it’s not), and I have unique (not really) insights (again) into what you frisky ladies can expect. […]

People on Those Dating Sites

seedy

Had another young lady curl up next to me at the wonderful bar of therapy the other day. We discussed dating. I confessed that I’ve been in a serious drought. Received no sympathy—not even a pat on the head. We got onto the topic of online dating. “Seems that guys on those site are only […]

What Men Want – 2015 Edition

iohawk

We’ve come so far, haven’t we? Not the savage, sex-hungry beasts we used to be. Our lives do not solely consist of sex, food, and football. Nope. We live in search of meaningful relationships—romance, tender kisses, long walks, and snuggling … oh, and bacon. We’re not moving past bacon. You sense some sarcasm, no doubt. […]

Signs That You May Be Too Single

cupid

Are you a self-sufficient, intolerant fuck like me? Yikes! We need to be careful. Social unacceptability—a trait we treasure—is frowned upon by those of the coupling kind. First, we need to identify the signs of single-doom, see if they apply to us, then obscure them. Here are some clues that you may have become too […]

Vicariously Single

vicariously

My lovely niece (20-year-old, and stop it) joined me for dinner last night. I have this thing about eating at the bar. Guess I’ve grown accustomed to the plus-zero. We sat next to a married couple who was fifty-ish. Much as a committed woman has a way of inserting her boyfriend into conversations with me, […]

Radio Silence

silence

This is one of my specialties, also known as the smoke bomb, walk-off, or fuck-n-duck. I’d say it’s around 50/50 on how many times I’m been on either end. Like Don Miguel Ruiz says, don’t take it personally. Some people like closure; some people like silence. I’m the latter—numb from unwanted feedback. Here’s the main […]

She Likes The Fifty

fifty

When a new woman asks where I work, I usually say, “At home. My boss is a prick.” Once she realizes I am unmarried, and the prick is me, the next question concerns my occupation, then what I’ve written, and what the books are about. I can usually find common ground around The Fifty Shades […]

FREE on Kindle this week: How to Date Men by Phil Torcivia

How-to-Date-Men_Paperback

FREE on Kindle this week. How to Date Men by Phil Torcivia. “Lumbersexuals..here I come..Hilarious Read!” – BookLover http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00S5ASRUM/?tag=suchaniceguy-20

Thoughts of a Purse Dog

pursedog

Christ, I have to piss. This sucks. Can’t even lick myself. Fuck. Yes, lady, I know I’m cute. Lovely. Want to trade places? You sit your baby-talking ass in this leather cell, and see how you like it. Nope, can’t bring your chardonnay with you. Just you. Oh, you’ll get your head shugga-shugga’d occasionally. You […]

My Echo

Amazon_echo

Amazon released this new gizmo called Echo that sits around, waiting for your command. You can tell it to play a song, add an appointment, or give a weather forecast. Interesting. Naturally, with my twisted mind, I’m wondering how my Echo would respond to me. “Hey, Alexa.” “Yes?” “Play some George Michael.” “Fag.” “What? You […]

How Women Describe Women

easy

If you’re single, like me, and you have female friends who are not mating options (rare, I know), you’re going to need a guide to understanding how they rate their gender mates. For example, if you hear the description, “She has had some work done,” what should you expect? First, the woman who says this […]