His Ding-a-Ling

takingpics

People nowadays spend too much time seeing the world through a phone lens. This creates a new level of over-sharing. Pictures get posted all over social media as iPhone reporters can’t wait to show off their latest work. If you’re around a group of people, I guarantee one of them is in the middle of […]

She Keeps Rebounding

rebound

In the past week, I’ve witnessed three rebound attempts. What’s up with that? Most of us have little desire to go back to grade school, ride a scooter, or sit in a high chair. Why go back to the man you’re supposedly over? Is he the devil you know? Were the men after him so […]

Who’s Your Daddy? Me??

daddy_complex_c-430x244

It’s as if an alien planted an evil brain seed in single women drawing them toward Daddy-like men. Based on the looks of utter “ew” I get when I brooch the subject with my make-pretend daughters, most of these women are also unaware they are afflicted. You see, the clever alien, Bonadaddy, from the planet […]

Relocating for Love Never Works

bachelorwhitney

It doesn’t work for careers or relationships, unless you happen to love the place you’re going. I adore Sandra Bullock, but if she asked me to move in with her in New Orleans, I’d cry a lot and refuse. Same thing goes for epic vag anywhere in Canada, the Northeast, or a foreign country. Just […]

The Weak are Easily Offended

fox

What am I supposed to watch in the morning while brewing my espresso? Cartoons? Perhaps, but Pink Panther isn’t on anymore. I find myself watching Fox News, mostly because of the lovely meteorologist. Still, I need to wade through ten minutes of nonsense before Chrissy shows me her patterns. Every morning, top stories include someone […]

Her Perfect Day

perfect-day

You’ve probably seen a list floating around the Interweb about one man’s perfect day. If not, I’ll sum it up for you: lots of blow jobs, boobs, beer, and golf. Shocking, right? Well, I’d be more interested in the perfect day for ladies, and whether my services could fit any items on the schedule. Let’s […]

The Shortest Path to Payday

interview

You know why I love one-night stands? Well, sure, it gets the poison out. That’s not the main reason. It’s because I HATE job interviews. The one-nighter is typically the shortest path to payday. I understand, dear. You’ve found your best friend slash soul mate slash partner. (Please pardon me while I slash my wrist.) […]

How to Date Men – Now Available – Free on Kindle Unlimited

How-to-Date-Men_Paperback

So, you want a man? Allow me to guide you through the jungle of hairy beasts. 99% of your romantic relationships have failed. You are the common denominator, so logic would say you suck at relationships. The problem isn’t in the picker, it’s in the picking. In this book, I lend my expertise as the […]

Top Ten Things You Need to Know Before Attempting to Date Men

top10

You are embarking on a perilous trek, my sweet. Be prepared, or be home on the sofa with five cats and a big bowl of ice cream. Remember these while desperately seeking stupid: Men fart … a lot. If a man can’t get it hard for you, his problem isn’t physical, it’s mental. Fuck Viagra. […]

How To Date The Last Man

lastman

That’s the goal, right? You’ve waded through this sea of dysfunctional tadpoles to find the best fit. You’ve tolerated all sorts of masculine silliness. You’ve experienced varieties of physical and emotional approaches. From those, you’ve identified your preferences. Heck, knowing you, you’ve probably made a list. If your list reads, “I just want someone to […]

How To Date Writers

writers

It cracks me up when the woman I’m dating says, “You’re not allowed to write about this.” That, to me and my fellow scribes, is a dare we cannot resist. Of course, I’m going to write about this. Oh, I’ll exaggerate, embellish, and change the names, but write is what I do. I suppose if […]

How To Date Festive Men

festive

Got your eyes on a fellow proudly wearing an ugly sweater? If he has on a Santa cap, and is defiling a wine glass with an obnoxious ornament, he’s got you gooey? Please tell me he doesn’t have mistletoe hanging in the kitchen doorway. He does? Lovely. Well, I hope you are introverted, because there’s […]

How To Date Childlike Men

manbabies

You may have read that title, and suspected that I meant childish, not childlike. Au contraire, mon frere. Whereas this tome has been quite childish at times, I’m referring to men who want to be treated like children. Yes, they exist, as do motherly women who accommodate their desires. Take, for example, the trending act […]

How To Date Shy Men

shyguy

I realize most women find confidence attractive. I’ve seen men who have no chance of bedding certain women overcome daunting obstacles—height, weight, hair plugs, Hawaiian shirts—with attitude. I find most of these men to be detestable braggarts. Perhaps, you do as well. Maybe that’s why you prefer quietly secure men. I applaud you with a […]

How To Date Romantic Men

romanticmen

Romance is subjective. Do you agree? I don’t care, actually, because I’m writing this, so deal with my perversion of the subject at hand, or put down this book, wipe, and get back to work. Guess that wasn’t so romantic of me. Apologies. Now, every woman I meet dreams of being swept off her feet […]