Free Signed Paperback Copies of How to Date Men by Phil Torcivia


As a thank you to my readers, reviewers, and supporters, I’m sending signed copies of my latest book to the first 100 fans who request it. I hope you read it, giggle a bit, review it, and pass it on to someone who needs “man” advice. Name and address (US only) is all I need, […]

Things That Make Men Creepy


Let me begin by admitting I’ve done my share of creepy things. Not denying it. Rarely, however, is my intention to hurt the target. Usually, my creepiness involves what I intend to be a compliment, not taken as such. Like humor, I can’t control how my comments are taken and, if I soften my comments, […]

Locked in Phone Hell


I’ve never been so attached to something I loathe. Phones are hell, especially for introverts. Maybe, I don’t want to be connected. Access to information is nice, but connected? No, thank you. When my phone rings or dings, I want to throw it. Still, every day I’m stuck in the left lane behind some swerving […]

Sexuality—All Flavors Are Delicious


We are gradually moving away from defining people by their sexual preferences. That’s wonderful, right? We really have no reason to care about another person’s preference. Yet, when I take personal inventory in the sense of, “How do I feel about …?,” I do find some interesting results. For example, if the woman I’m dating […]

A Kinder, Gentler Cupcake


Have you noticed the trend of young people demanding instead of requesting? Maybe it comes with the sense of entitlement 90s children have. Perhaps they were spoiled by Mommy and Daddy’s portfolio fattening during the decades of excess. Whatever the reason, these brats need to learn we old-timers don’t react well to demands. Take this […]

The Selfie Dick


I glance over to the community table, and, much to my horror, watch some self-absorbed nitwit unfold this odd device, place his phone on the end, and take a team selfie. The stick reminds me of the folding ruler we had in grade school. Much like the Nuns back in the day, I’d also like […]

Loving Unhealthy Stuff


Let me ask your advice. If there’s a woman I adore, and I know (well, I’m pretty sure) if I ever hook up with her, we’re going to miserable (or, blissful), should I continue to pursue the relationship? I know—of course not. My problem is I don’t like wanting. It’s a sign of weakness. I’d […]

His Ding-a-Ling


People nowadays spend too much time seeing the world through a phone lens. This creates a new level of over-sharing. Pictures get posted all over social media as iPhone reporters can’t wait to show off their latest work. If you’re around a group of people, I guarantee one of them is in the middle of […]

She Keeps Rebounding


In the past week, I’ve witnessed three rebound attempts. What’s up with that? Most of us have little desire to go back to grade school, ride a scooter, or sit in a high chair. Why go back to the man you’re supposedly over? Is he the devil you know? Were the men after him so […]

Who’s Your Daddy? Me??


It’s as if an alien planted an evil brain seed in single women drawing them toward Daddy-like men. Based on the looks of utter “ew” I get when I brooch the subject with my make-pretend daughters, most of these women are also unaware they are afflicted. You see, the clever alien, Bonadaddy, from the planet […]

Relocating for Love Never Works


It doesn’t work for careers or relationships, unless you happen to love the place you’re going. I adore Sandra Bullock, but if she asked me to move in with her in New Orleans, I’d cry a lot and refuse. Same thing goes for epic vag anywhere in Canada, the Northeast, or a foreign country. Just […]

The Weak are Easily Offended


What am I supposed to watch in the morning while brewing my espresso? Cartoons? Perhaps, but Pink Panther isn’t on anymore. I find myself watching Fox News, mostly because of the lovely meteorologist. Still, I need to wade through ten minutes of nonsense before Chrissy shows me her patterns. Every morning, top stories include someone […]

Her Perfect Day


You’ve probably seen a list floating around the Interweb about one man’s perfect day. If not, I’ll sum it up for you: lots of blow jobs, boobs, beer, and golf. Shocking, right? Well, I’d be more interested in the perfect day for ladies, and whether my services could fit any items on the schedule. Let’s […]

The Shortest Path to Payday


You know why I love one-night stands? Well, sure, it gets the poison out. That’s not the main reason. It’s because I HATE job interviews. The one-nighter is typically the shortest path to payday. I understand, dear. You’ve found your best friend slash soul mate slash partner. (Please pardon me while I slash my wrist.) […]

How to Date Men – Now Available – Free on Kindle Unlimited


So, you want a man? Allow me to guide you through the jungle of hairy beasts. 99% of your romantic relationships have failed. You are the common denominator, so logic would say you suck at relationships. The problem isn’t in the picker, it’s in the picking. In this book, I lend my expertise as the […]