(quote by Janis Joplin)
Isn’t this the same chick who asked someone to buy her a Mercedes Benz? I guess if she received her Benz in appreciation for her fine, yet raspy music, she wasn’t technically compromising herself.
The online dictionaries use the example of a prostitute as someone compromising herself. So, the synonym for that phrase would be “whoring.” If I understand this, we whore ourselves every time we choose do something we’d rather not do. If we’re being forced, we’re being compromised by someone else. Well, I guess that makes me quite the whore.
I’d rather not:
- post on Facebook and Tweet all day, but I must or the audience leaves the arena.
- get up at 6:30 am, but my cats will pester me until I prepare bowls of tuna.
- hand my keys to a valet, but parking three blocks away without noticing the “No Parking” sign costs more.
- have sex with myself but, like Janice said, I’m all I’ve got and, until I don’t, it’s good to practice.
- go commando, but my hamper is full, and I am lazy.
- pay for dinner, but my male ancestors fucked me.
- floss, but I’d like to eat steak into my seventies.
- drink fizzy, yellow water, but the hard stuff makes is hard to make it home.
- cook, but nobody brings me warm meals.
- see another silly Geico commercial, but they seem to an abundance of money and unfunny, unoriginal writers.
- carry around an iPhone, but I’m worried I’ll miss something.
- spend as much time between her thighs as between her breasts, but if I don’t deliver the orgasms, someone else will.
- use the self-checkout line, but I don’t want the clerk to raise an eyebrow at my odd selection of Italian sausage, Raisinets, and personal lubricants.
- parallel park, but police get cranky when I park on the sidewalk.
- activate my Match.com profile, but for some reason, attractive women in their forties rarely hit on men old enough to shave daily.
It’s sad to think that we’re all we’ve got. This is why imaginary friends and pets come in handy. They keep you company and rarely talk back. Inflatable friends should probably be quarantined to the master bedroom. Then again, doesn’t having pets also qualify as compromising oneself? Pets aren’t cheap. I certainly can think of numerous things I’d rather do than go turd mining. Heck, I might even choose to watch the WNBA.
How would you spend an entire day without compromising yourself? You’d:
- sleep in
- have morning nookie
- nap
- call in sick
- drink three caramel macchiatos
- eat chocolate cake
- drink a noon-garita
- eat pizza
- ok, another orgasm, why not?
- nap
- go shopping
- watch an entire HBO series on demand
- take a bath (orgasm optional)
- skip the gym
- eat cheesecake
- get a massage
- it’s six-o-lemon-drop
- eat steak
- select from ten mating choices
- slide tab to making choice
- make mating choice drive you home, in your car
- have orgasm
- wave bye-bye to mating choice in taxi
- eat cherry cordial
- drink Bailey’s
- sleep
