Why do men cheat?

In the wake of another sex scandal are the typical groups of people. I can predict their reactions so accurately, you might assume I have ESP (Extra-Slutty Perception).

  • Republican, religious, unattractive female: “What a typical fucking pig he is! Oh my god. How could he do this to his wife, family, and country? Damn liberals are such savages. No morals.”
  • Republican, religious, unattractive male: “Who? Never heard of him. Hey, have you heard about the new Cadillac?”
  • Democrat, agnostic, attractive female: “He’s awful. Wait. How rich is he? Hmm. Maybe with a new wardrobe. Does he carry a big gun?”
  • Democrat, agnostic, attractive male: “Jesus, it’s no wonder. Really? He has a shot at a fucking eight when he’s tied to a four? No shit, he cheated. Please don’t quote me.”

Everyone calm the fuck down and consider the possibility that we (men, especially) may have evolved mentally only slightly further than physiologically. We’re not quite the beats we were millennia ago when we gathered mates by clubbing rivals or, sometimes, potential mates. Still, we’re driven at our core by one core desire: to spread our genes.

Sounds too simple? Think about it.

Why are men attracted to large, shapely, natural boobs and firm, curvy hips? (Evidence of a superior host for our offspring.) Why are men attracted to shiny, plump, red lips? (They resemble a vagina in heat. I shit you not.) How does an old codger like Hugh Hefner manage to land, not one, but three gorgeous, young blondes simultaneously, who would not even look twice at a Bradley Cooper-looking man who worked at a Starbucks counter? (Hugh is rich and is a superior provider for potential mother and offspring.) Why are women attracted to men with full heads of hair, muscles/abs, and clear skin? (Healthy traits for ensuring the survival of potential offspring.) Why are many women attracted to dominant men? (A sign of strength and superior protection.)

It goes on and on. (Read The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins for more insight.)

This is why men are constantly fucking up, by religious moral standards. The best way for a man to ensure the survival and spread of his genes is to inseminate as many partners as possible. We’ve evolved to the point where this is somewhat impractical (Antonio Cromartie excluded) because it’s expensive. It’s also why women are fucking up (by the same standards) because they are becoming more likely to walk away from inadequate providers (whether financially, emotionally, or sexually).

So, ladies, if you’re unattractive, you don’t want to hear this. In fact, you’ll hate me for saying it, but I dare you to disprove me. The man in your life is and always will be attracted to other women. Whether he acts on this attraction by allowing his un-evolved instincts to overcome him, depends on your looks and his opportunities. The General cheated on his wife because he encountered an irresistible option, considering the circumstances. Don’t agree? Consider if the two women (wife and mistress) switched roles. Would he have cheated on Broadwell with his future ex? Nope.

So, how do we resolve this? We don’t. The best thing to do is not waste time worrying about what other people do, and do what you need to do to secure the mate you want in your life at the moment. Then, when the relationship fades, move on. Don’t struggle with your instincts to the point where it makes you crazy. Don’t force yourself to stay where you’re no longer appreciated or you no longer enjoy the scenery. Move on. (Best to say goodbye, first.)

When you’re on the receiving end of such, the healthiest thing to do is shrug and use the experience as motivation to improve, and attract a better Mister or Miss Next.

  • Kate Taylor

    It’s spreading your genes, that wants us to spread our once jeans covered legs. Fluff your feathers, do the dance, sound the calls that draw us to you. We may be the drab in color females, but ahhh.. we brightly make the selection. We want all of you, yes.. but, we must have the best. C’mon now.. move your feet, turn around..Nice! You may in the top three!

  • http://twitter.com/cohen_alexandra Sally von Humpeding

    Prince Charles being the exception to the rule, I presume?

  • http://ciaraballintyne.com Ciara Ballintyne

    In my experience, men will also cheat on attractive partners. Also, big boobs aren’t better for evolutionary purposes – it’s actually harder to breastfeed a baby. Male genes must not have gotten the memo.

    Men and women both will cheat (I believe stats suggest about 1 in 2 people cheat, and it’s spread pretty evenly over men and women) but for different reasons. Men cheat for sex, women for affection (usually). What determines if they don’t cheat comes down to their own self-control and values. Some people would sooner die than cheat. To others, it’s ‘no big deal’.

  • http://RachelintheOC.com/ Rachel Thompson

    Phil, your blog posts are so incredibly sexist, yet still you make me laugh. I happen to be a female Democrat who’s currently the primary breadwinner and married 20 years. Stick that in your evolutionary hat, baby.

  • the girl next door

    I have read your article and I must say that I completely agree with you. I am a woman that has dated every kind of man out there and know this to be true.

  • http://twitter.com/dt4m DT Linda Gross

    Phil, I thoroughly agree. My upcoming book is EXACTLY on this topic. Ck it out. http://Www.dt4m.com. It comes out in 2 weeks. Muah. Linda

  • Meh

    In the wake of a sex scandal my reaction is… Why the fuck is this on the news? And why do they think anyone would even care? The Tiger Woods scandal was actually painful in that airtime was even devoted to it in the first place. What on earth makes anyone responsible to anyone but their spouse in a marriage? Why the hell should he apologize to US on national TV? I’m not defending him. I really don’t CARE. BTW, I’m female. So… what category does that put me in?